April 30, 2010

the trip

worked web photo






"I am ready! hello?! do you hear me, said i was ready?!" said the little man looking up, hoping for some answer. he stared up there for a while, silent. took a gulp of air and again said, loudly, to be sure he's heard "I am ready for the voyage!"... then for himself, looking down "always been ready. all my life". he turned around to the pile of luggage layered behind him, looking at it, with surprise and tiredness at the same time. "so many bags... don't know why i have so many. don't even remember what's in the first one and can't even reach it to look. i barely  guess the content of the last, or do i? why the hell do i have so much luggage? what for did i gathered so many useless things? what was i thinking?" he looks up for a sec hoping for some answer to come down from there - either of the questions remained with no response. he is ready and he has an amount of foolish boxes, bags, some chests, a trunk, a hidden locker - so hidden he'll never find it again, few knapsacks stuck in a pile together, a dusted old leather briefcase, a cloth hoop, a kit bag and three handbags - never knew how he got to have them in the first place, but what the hell, right?!

he looks up again. his neck hurts. he fetches a sigh like it is the last, a deep hot-aired sigh, along with some small low words "said was ready"... he shakes all over and yells "voyage? i'm waiting down here, so you know! nah! don't hurry for me! don't even bother to answer! good to know i'm here, ready, right?! yeah... anytime now! feel free to... say something! in fact, feel free to... anything! hello?!"
suddenly turns round in-front of the pile behind him "maybe i should re-arrange all of this. maybe... that's why they're still waiting. i really should know all the things i have. maybe they require a list of them all, some sort of inventory... yeah, that's why they're still waiting, sure that is. but where to start from?" he looks up searching for anyone who could see him... he steps back-away from the pile - few steps until he gets  a bit of distance. he looks up again with a shy corner-mouth smile. "nah, i'll say i've found them here and don't know who they belong to. maybe someone forgot them. sure. or... it's just a pile of garbage. it sure looks like one..." his face clusters in a wrinkle-crowded grimace "all of this. it's my life. i've gathered them from all around. all my savings, my memories, my stuff... i did love each and everything here some while ago. there's no biggy  i don't remember them all... i'm not perfect and there were few years that have gone by if i do remember well, so who could remember all? nobody! so who could judge me for this? yeah, nobody! it's my stuff, i'll probably need some of them later, or all, who knows?! and they're not a lot! they're quite few for my age. and i've traveled so much these past years, it's normal i gathered few things, no? maybe they're not ready for me yet. ha, that's it! they're not ready and they hide with no shame, thinking i can't figure it out... tricky little bastards!". looks up with courage "hey, you there! i can come back in a while if you're not ready yet! hear me? don't mind. ok? but i'll leave my luggage here, if there's no bother, ok? kind of stupid to carry it with me if i get back here after all... am i right? and no problem if you're not ready yet, really, no problem at all! i don't mind a few time more here... if i think about it, i have some things to do... left some things unfinished, if you know what i mean... and no worries, ok, i won't bring any more bags or something!... so. it's ok, ha?! how long do i have till you're ready? if you say nothing... i'll figure it out for myself, you know?! you might not like it, so to speak... anything?! an hour? a day? in a week to come back? how many years?! come on, give me a figure here, a clue or...". 

he stops to listen. nothing. he steps back gaining speed step by step, walking backwards. he turns around and almost runs, shouting to his back with no concern if he is heard or not "you let me know when you want me back! and promise no more bags this time! i'll just enjoy the trips here... and for souvenirs, i've got a photographic memory. so no more things! that's it! take your time... " and for himself, running, laughing, like a newborn "i'll sure take mine..."

April 29, 2010

waltz opus no.3 (friendly)

one step, two steps
so humble am I to have met you, my dear
so truly grateful and so truly glad


one step, two steps
i think i know you from a time before
i guess we sat at the same table
and you gave me wine and a piece of bread
along with your grace and kindness


one step, two steps
you told me about the sea
showed me the sky
sang me a tune of the old sailors
and gave me your coat not to be cold


one step, two steps
i never saw you again till now
so many lives have passed
so many dears for you
and then again for I

one step, two steps
now, let me buy you a drink
for old times' sake
if you're hungry, i'll you get a piece of bread
and
when the final hour comes
we'll sing old sailors songs...

one step, two steps
we'll sing till the rising of the sun
yours truly dear friend

April 28, 2010

waltz opus no.2 (the waltz of words)

Wosene Worke Kosrof - The Color of Words IX

we dance with words
one to another,
only that-another to just understand what we meant.

this extinct battle to be understood.
this voyage from feeling 
to finding the definition of that specific tone or choice
that is so particularly "us".

bounded with letters and rules of grammar.
under the obligation to resume yourself within thirty lines or more,
depending of the time allowed or the page size you are granted.

how hard was for the first man to speak?
what was his first word?
why from that moment on we've stuck boundaries upon boundaries
along with each word created?
...but how else can you be understood?...
how else can you "say" what you want, think or feel?
how else can we tell someone we love or hate him?
how else can you say you've missed him or that you're glad?

my dear words,
we've invented you for so long
to be able to bring to life
only a crumb of what's inside of us...
but what would we be without you?

so again,
day by day,
we dance with you, my dear words,
only one day to be able to tell everything...
till then, let's dance!






April 27, 2010

waltz opus no.1 (the frost waltz)

polar-bear waltz by outside magazine

i'll take you to the north 
while you sleep,
gently with your dreams,
i'll take you to the cold of earth
and by the grace of crisp
music will emerge
for us to waltz...

you queen of ice
me frost of winds
swinging our way
into the mist

time will arrest for us
all kept safely in my hour-glass
and fairies gonna light our ring
chinese-lanterns of the dusk

i will take you to the north
where's no age and wrinkles 
for the snow to comb you a dress
and the bleak air to mantle your shoes
for all time to dance
you, me and the waltz




clubbed to death



clubbed to death by angels
i wish to be. just to be born again
from a wave of fire and stone
skin hard for no pain as my soul
eyes to see all as my heart
re-born from this madness only to live truly by the word.

someone asked me the other day
what the word is?
i smiled in complete silence...
he didn't understand.

i would like to club him to death along with angels
only to be born again.
waves of fire and stone
to harden his skin and soul
eyes to see everything with his heart
this madness gets to be so you could live truly by the word.

April 26, 2010

drops (lyrics meant for a song)

roger mclassus - drop-impact

like a drop of water
falling down from the sky
so much freedom surrounding
i will fly, i will fly

like drop of red wine
staining your white gown
i'm so stuck with you
the world around, world around

like a drop of tears
dribbling from your eyes
i will lay on you
soft and wise, soft and wise

like a drop of gas
leaking from a pipe
all the world i'll burn
for you and i, you and i

like a drop in time
so hidden, so shy
no-one is to know
what future lies, future lies

like a drop of water
falling down from the sky
i will take you with me
for a while, for a while

the road

henri cartier-bresson - en brie

the road seems long from here.
a large view,
no concern and no regard of what ever can be found at the end,
if there is any...

i start to stride it, one big step after another, 
confident of my anatomy and my biological device of walking,
foot in front foot, over and over again,
clock-finished mechanism of footsteps carrying myself forward.

i wait for nothing,
there's only ahead 
and what i've left behind counts no more.
i stare from time to time on both sides
trying to catch a glimpse of scenery just to clear and refresh my retina. 

i wait for nothing
and
nothing waits for me,
not even the road. 
it just is.
i'm just walking it.

there are so many wonders where i'm going...
plenty of marvels to be seen,
miracles to live.
they will all just be happening
and
i will just be there
enjoying.

thank you for the road.
thanks for tramping it.
hope i'll do well
step by step
on the road...

April 24, 2010

choice-of-words

we do tend to circle around a bunch of words which define us for a while. it depends from person to person on how long that particular group of words defines oneself - some take like six-months-choice-of-words, some take eight, twelve or more, regarding the power to see something else, one's imagination and creativity, let's not forget reading a bit or seeing some art from time to time... therefore, in my case, i'm stuck with my-group-of-words for like six to eight months. i incline to change them beginning from a conversation with a friend, a good line of a film, a quote from a book i did't read completely or haven't finished yet or maybe a striking image that came in front of me or i stumbled upon. 
to cut a long story short, these days i circle around a few words or phrases i'd like to put below for everyone to know them, to give an advice or a critique and last but not least to know me better by the words surrounding my vocabulary, state of mind or simply my humor. and i'd like to write them down because in few months they could change and some time from now i'll forget them, like never being with me or part of me, like never knowing them at all. they'll become another everyday choice-of-words with no meaning what so ever than themselves.
so here goes nothing:
  1. i am a poem
  2. i know everything and nothing at all, with no knowledge of how i know or how i got to know that at all
  3. the world rest in your/my pen. imagine it!
  4. i do try, i really do. but i got to stop trying and just do it.
  5. there is a purpose everywhere. you just got to find it
  6. we all have a mission, a lesson to learn. if i'll fail mine this time i'm sure to come back for the same thing over and over again until i learn
  7. if you look up you'll see the sun, down there's only pavement 
  8. because there is so much beauty in the world
  9. there is a God and He's laughing. that will never change.
  10. i am a joy of human being
all's well when it ends well, or someone did say that a while ago. hope is true. hope my choice-of-words did not offend anybody. hope i'm not the only one with such choices.

Englishman on sunday... tx Mr. Sting

decisions

why do we find the hardest things in life to be decisions? why is it so hard to make up your mind? to choose. if we think about it, there are only, basically, two choices: right and wrong - as we are used to call them, but truly they just are good and bad - in any way you wanna measure them or according to whatever criterion you wish. good and bad - that's all there is, not only here but in the hole universe. everything that has life comes down to this two simple choices. everything refers to them and any creature or life form from this time and beyond comprehends and lives by those simple two notions. 
so, it all comes down to this: is it good for you or is it bad? and there is no selfishness in this, no egocentric thinking or something like that. don't forget: the only-one you are responsible for is undoubtedly yourself, so the questions asked earlier are true: is it good or not for you and you alone. don't be afraid to choose. if it's good for you then you cannot do a bad thing and everything around you will understand your action and more - everything will resonate to you. and don't think that if you'd like to do harm because it's fun for yourself, the universe will see it likewise. no, the right or wrong is so simple that you cannot cheat or lie or deceive, not even yourself deep down inside. so why the hell, excuse my... French, is it so damn hard to choose, to make a decision? why don't we listen to the first thought? why don't we listen beyond our interests and puny goals and take the right answer for us and everybody else directly from all around? - listen carefully for the first thing that pops in your mind; that one comes from your soul. and the soul... he knows just two measures: good and bad. and your soul can't do wrong. simply because he belong to you and all around in the same time... he really is you in the purest form since the beginning and till the end. he just knows good, life and love. sounds foolish, right? maybe that's why we are so scared to choose, to be or to love...because it's so simple and foolish at the first sight. 
be not afraid! you know how to live, just listen closely to yourself. 

April 22, 2010

it's summer

vincent van gogh - sunflowers

in summer you should not be sad. it's too sunny or too bright - the choice of words it's up to you, but remember, anyway you put it, it is still summer - so no sadness.
you can run a hill or a field
you can sit a park-bench or a porch 
you can sing a song or just whistle
you can draw some meaningless lines or a portrait
you can read a book or a thrown-out paper
you can sip a lemonade with lots of sugar or plain cold water
you can bite an apple or get bitten by a small hot dog
you can comb someone's long wet hair till is dry
or just bathe that someone again with a hose
you can fall asleep in the grass or tuck yourself in the chilly bed clothes
you can speak loudly or just whisper some love statement
you can stare at the sun when is setting or wait for the sunrise all night long
you can drink a bottle of beer without breathing or get thirsty an entire afternoon
you can dream with your eyes opened and sleep like a rock
you can be silent for a week or just say hello and goodbye 
you can make love to the sea or just get a tan
you can travel or stay still
you can all of that and more but you don't have to anything
because it's summer.
and in summer you must never be sad. it's too sunny and sometimes too bright. and it would be a waste of your summer... how many do you think can be wasted? in my opinion, none.

ENOUGH!

enough
searching for love amidst the powder of money and the material!
enough
preaching all will be well but not believing in it for only one moment!
enough 
caving in so easily and not remembering what i have and can do!
enough
living lies or memories, waiting for the past to become present again!
enough
fooling myself because of the smalls in the world, forgetting to look beyond!
enough
keeping dreams as real living and leaving life aside!
enough
making so damn fun of myself only to smile that even my laugh gets tired!
enough
jerking around! there is so much beauty and so little time to disclose it.
enough
with lonely night and the asylum in my solitude!
enough
being mean just because kind is a step further too much!
enough
with the jokes that tear life apart! so fragile it is and so meant to be cherished.
enough
with the deaf! we speak therefore we might as well hear.
enough
with the blind! we still have eyes to see.
enough
with all that should have been enough till now!

enough
saying "enough" for so many times 
but not once with indisputable meaning!

help me God, 
Universe or 
All forth and inwards ,
this to be my final and last "enough"! 
so there it is:
ENOUGH!

April 21, 2010

yardley

adapted web photo





Yardley is a good dog:
a good listener, a brave scout and a clean eater.

he, because after all this time "he" is considered a person, inspite all arguments regarding language or rules of vocabulary, as i said, he always hears you, even though he reacts or not. he searches for everything, anytime - actually that's his only real preoccupation and he eats everything at the table, leaving no scratch nor crumb behind, therefore he's always clean after a meal and his place also neat.

he's good at the personality check also: always tends to do things only his way, no matter how you put it. he has such a personality that lately he is taken by all as a real-human person, sometimes granted duties beyond his abilities and unfortunately he is brought to book for the results. he holds no grudges. 


in the afternoon you really don't want to wake him up. to cut a long story short, you just don't want to wake him up at all. just leave him be, practically leave him sleep. better for everyone, specially for his so needed beauty-sleep. he holds his rituals so dearly.


just before going to bed, at night, you should play with him. he fancies getting attention a lot and can be very grateful afterwards. in fact, it's quite nice to play with Yardley. specially gin. he's very alert and can be a true adversary. when he happens to win he gives a round of water for everyone. you are bound to take it. maybe that's why in that sort of nights it happens to be so crowded  at the bathroom. luckily he wins sporadically.


the long and the short of it is:
1. Yardley was and remains a fairly good dog.
2. Yardley has, more than any other dog of his kind, personality.
3. Yardley, because of that personality, inclines to hold few duties of which their failure allures  responsibility.
4. Yardley should not be waken up in the afternoons, no matter what so ever.
5. Yardley plays gin quite successfully for a dog, in spite the night schedule of everyone's bladder.


after all, Yardley is a good dog.

April 19, 2010

language & hearing

in other language
i easily find the words
to define myself.

i'm too used to think with the voice i was born in
accustomed with the same topic and sense
tired of all the meaning i can make.

and i'm not afraid of making mistakes using different words than my own
not scared of being misunderstood or taken for granted 
hoping of some new ideas that will pop out even if i don't think them.

i'm free in these new vocabulary. no boundaries
to report to or to be stuck in. just feelings
drawn in this fresh lines letters reveal to me.

i cannot relate to anyone but myself with my maiden voice.
i can ask no advice nor older council, newborn
inwards and forth my own universe.

hear me out!
if there is anyone else speaking the same tongue.
be kind and listen to me, decent to reply.

i'm all words and ears
hearing as clear as ever
speaking for the first time.


April 18, 2010

3 minutes love

web photo

sometimes, all you need is love = a slice of cold raspberry cheesecake. 
depending on how fast you eat it, this love can last from about 3 minutes to an extreme 7 minutes, but then you need to be so slow that even earth will start to circle only for you in your own time. and believe me, that slice can change your life for even a glimpse. and it's worth it!
how the spoon can carve into the soft white cheese cream, along with a drop of raspberry jam hung, leaving a trail of the most sweet fruit blood ever tasted... how you can fashion your way eating bite by bite, leaving nothing but the shadow of once true love stuck in this simple white form. how all surrounding can change within a look of the first taste. soon hearing is accurate: leaves talk to you played by the wind, the town dumbs only for you, embracing you all of a sudden... people, oh those lovely people you can see now...their features rounded and softened and all ugliness blurs into red and white. and the biscuit soaked with the red syrup speaks in your language words never heard before, words of peace and happiness as if you were a beauty queen winning a contest, the most craved one. suddenly you are no longer a man nor a woman, you just are! suddenly there is room for discrimination or for any other thing that can set you apart from the others. you all are. the world reveals its secrets for that swift moment of a bite...

my darlings, sometimes all you need is a slice of cheesecake. because there is so much beauty in the world...  

April 17, 2010

in me is you

in this particularly sad lonely time
when i think of you
you blend the faces of all
features i remember 
or not
the ones i loved one day
and
ones i have imagined.

in this particularly sad lonely
you bear all the names into a single one
your name
i've always feared and adored
the name i tend to whisper when i get to bed
after a long sleepless night. 

in this particularly sad
i distress into a smile of happiness
never knowing how to find you
or where to look
and
even if my looks are good for you.

in this particular
i imagine you
hidden
into the canvas of my life
as i still know how to paint it. 

in this
i invent you
stuck between these words
waiting to get out.
be free!

in
me
is
you. 

old photo by me

interior noapte

secventa interior noapte

muzica la radio: robert palmer - johnny & mary: "johnny's always running around/trying to find certainty".
lumina calda, de la cele doua spoturi aprinse si de la lumanarea de pe televizor. lumina suficienta. in dreapta, o pata albastra se pierde pe podea, de la neonul ecologic de la bucataria deschisa.
ceaiul de echinaceea e fierbinte. mirosul straniu de menta s-a raspandit in toata camera, din bucatarie. ca si cum nu s-a facut ceai, ci intreaga incapere este scufundata odata cu plicul de ceai in cana simpla neagra de pe masa. o lampa sta adormita pe masa - ultima lumina din scenografie - mangaie un desen lasat mai mult sau mai putin intentionat in stanga mesei. langa desen tacutele tigari. si aferenta scrumiera pe jumatate plina, prea lenesa pentru a fi curatata.  bricheta de birou le sfideaza - un cub de sticla cu un mecanism de aprindere din inox. pe jumatate consumat gazul. dar flacara inca este perseverenta atunci cand o chemi prin apasarea clapetei negre a mecanismului - un negru de plastic intr-o incercare mediocra de a fi stilat.

phone-photo by me

ea iese din baie. goala. alb-palida, fara nici o alta explicatie medicala sau sentimentala decat tenul laptos si pielea ce incepe totusi sa-si arate varsta, in ciuda insistentelor sau a impachetarilor cu creme si alte produse agricole-apicole mai mult sau mai putin 100% naturale.
el asteapta la masa, la fel de putin intentionat ca si desenul asezat alaturi in stanga, pe de-o parte umbrit de lampa din proximitate, dar si cu accente luminoase ce pot fi cu usurinta studiate sau intiparite intr-o fotografie destinata decorarii unui interior asemeni acestuia. tot gol. cu luciri de portocala pe maini si frunte, fara nici o alta explicatie decat pozitionarea strategica a spoturilor incaperii.

to be continued...someday 

April 15, 2010

take care

painting by me

take care, my love,
for all the glances from me to you in soft dark corners of our bed
for all the times you were afraid and i did laugh 
because nothing could have happened while i was still there
for all the sighs i've heard watching you sleep
for all the betimes moments i coated your feet not to catch cold
for all your expectations story-told to me in perfect midnight silence
for all the sunshines of the sunrise
and all the stars hung hard-by the moon
for all the days to come and hopes of days to be
for all the days past and memories bygone
for my sake at least if that matters
or for the sake of our child in that gentle dreaming time we had
for all the voices in the world just so you can hear me!
take care, my love,
good care of you...

April 14, 2010

BAR

drawing by me


tanjesc dupa cliseul american din cinema-ul anilor '50: dupa barul unde un barbat singur bea o cafea sau un whiskey, o femeie singura bea si ea ceva la doua scaune in dreapta si barmanul e omul perfect cu care sa iti sfarsesti seara-noaptea in cazul unui esec amoros fie el chiar si de o noapte, fie el chiar si incercarea timida catre dreapta, doua scaune distanta.
cum ne-a intrat cliseul asta in retina si in minte, cum iese pana si din suflet cand ajungi intr-un bar, unde te asezi la un scaun, iti iei o cafea sau un whiskey, o femeie bea si ea ceva, la bar doua scaune langa sau la o masa, singura... si toate filmele ce incep astfel sau toate povestile cu o astfel de scenografie pentru intriga sau o anume secventa din cine-stie-ce desfasurare a unor actiuni ce au la baza conflicte amoroase, ies parca din casuta aceea din tine - propriul tau cinema se desfasoara langa tine, in tine. si vrei sa cuprinda tot barul in care te afli. vrei filmul sa iasa de pe celuloid si sa se auda in spate: actiune! tu sa fi in filmul ala sau nici macar sa nu fie film ci sa se dovedeasca asa a fi realitatea. iar de actiunea amoroasa e menita a esua, macar iti ramane barmanul... dar noi, aici, nu avem cultura acestui barman, el nu exista si nu faci decat sa il cauti amagit prin toate barurile sau speluncile din proximitatea-ti geografica.
tanjesc dupa acel bar, dupa acel barman. nu imi ramane decat sa imi iau un trench-coat si o palarie, sa imi ridic gulerul si sa le spun tuturor ca ma numesc Humphrey.

and who knows... maybe one day i'll find the beginning of a beautiful friendship...
until then i just remember there is so much beauty in the world and i enjoy it.

good night

April 13, 2010

elements

i wish to make a drop of water
to bathe in.
sank inside there will be only silence.
maybe this way i'll be able to hear the world
to acknowledge it.
who knows, maybe i'll even hear someone calling me
(in my drop of water i will understand her voice).

i wish to make a breeze of wind
to waft along.
scavenged aside blowing there will be only music.
maybe this way i'll be able to dance the world
to enjoy it.
who knows, maybe i'll even hear someone sing for me
(along with my wind i will understand her words).

i wish to make a grain of earth
to dig myself in.
buried inside there will be only space
to feel it.
who knows, maybe i'll even touch someone's skin
(within my earth i will understand her body).

scared to be burnt no more

i will make a flame of fire
to shove it in my soul.
blazing inside out there will be only life.
this way i'll be able to live
fully.
i know i'll find someone to live with me
(both of us burning will understand).

April 12, 2010

the CHAOS merchant

Hieronymus Bosch - the Garden of the Earthly Delight

all for sale!
all at one price!

i issue chaos to the innocents
to the hungry ones and the naked
to the unborn and the new lights
to the scared ones and the hidden
i issue chaos to anyone who needs anything happening in their lives.

i embrace chaos
so i'm the best salesman to be.
with no regard for what to happen
with no regret for what to be
i issue chaos to the loved ones and for the lonely the same fee.

i issue chaos from my unfathomable soul
with no bottom to be found.
completely full and empty of love and hate at the same time
i give away from my kindness and for my virulence
waiting to see the turn up.

not afraid of chaos
preaching it
memorizing faces
just to find them again in what follows.

you need no ticket
need no prepare for
need no answer to
just be.

be in chaos with me.